- The only thing that is screwed up in this office Barnes is your head,
which I would be more than happy to serve on a silver platter if I weren't worried about my family getting food poisoning.
- Ray, you're just one dumb ole cowboy, ain't you?
- Aren't you supposed to be out there feeding cows or something! (To Ray)
- Marilee, if you don't hurry, someone else is gonna get your street corner.
- Look up the word cheap in the dictionary, and you'll see his picture there!!
(Talking about Cliff)
- Honey, if you wanna hear your answer, you gotta asked the question at
the right time; that's from the JR Ewing's handbook.
- I wouldn't give you the dust off my car.
- Always keep your friends close, but you emenies closer.
- Sue Ellen, you're a drunk, a tramp, and an unfit mother
- Don't worry about her; the good Lord has ways of looking after drunks
- Go to bed Sue Ellen, there's nothing uglier than a woman who can't handle
- Anything is worth having is worth going for all the way.
- Well Barnes, I find your philantrophy awe inspiring.
- Like my daddy always said: if you can't get in the front door, just go
around to the back.
- So, you just remember who you're working for, keep a civil tongue in your
head, and try to answer my questions with a bit of civility.
- Sue Ellen, you're not a wife, you're not a mother, and you sure as
hell are not an Ewing!
- Oh Barnes, you just get dumber and dumber everyday.
- Contracts were made to be broken, honey, but a handshake is the law of
- Like my daddy alway's said, where there's a way, there's a will.
- That's O.K. honey, Bobby doesn't have a capacity to forgive and forget
like I do. That's a shame, damn shame.
- When your holding a double barrel shotgun use both barrels.(J.R. to Sly)
- Revenge is the single most satisfying feeling in the world.
- A marriage is like a salad: the man has to know how to keep his tomatoes
on the top.
- All that matters is winning.
- The world is littered with the bodies of people that tried to stick it
to ole J.R. Ewing.
- By the way honey, your a little too old to be running around without your
clothes on. (JR to Marilee).
- Russel, there are a few things that J.R. Ewing can't afford, but patience
is one of them!
- Katherine, don't threaten me honey, you're way out of your league.
- 'Well I'll be damned if you can come in here any time you want and use
me like some stud-service!' (J.R. to Sue Ellen)
- You know,Sue Ellen,I do believe you're going ninety miles an hour toward
a nervous breakdown. We're going to have to do something about your ravings.
- Lots of men have tried to run roughshod over me you can visit them in
- Don't forgive and never forget; Do unto others before they do unto you;
and third and most importantly, keep your eye on your friends, because your enemies will take care of themselves
- Don't be so glum Lucy; rich folks are always happy
- Cliff, sharpen up your ice skates it's gonna be a long winter.
- You should go to sleep Sue Ellen, you know how haggard you look when you
don't get your full eight hours.
- Ray never was comfortable eating with the family; we do use knives and
- A conscience is like a boat or a car. If you feel you need one, rent it.
- "Don't you ever mention my name to Donna Krebbs again. Or you'll really
regret that you didn't die today." - JR to Edgar Randolf after his suicide attempt.
- "If you can't afford to lose you shouldn't play the game." JR Ewing.
- "Anything worth having is worth going for all the way." JR Ewing.
- "Never get caught in bed with a live man or a dead woman." - JR about
the first rule of politics.
- "You are just another Ewing possession. Like an oil lease...easily disposed."
JR to Sue Ellen.
- "Why does everyone think that I am always up to something?" - JR.
- "I believe in the sanctity of marriage." - JR to Donna.
- "I'm surprised you're not a better loser after all the experience you've
had." - JR to Cliff at the Cattlemen's Club.
- "Nobody beats old JR, you know that!" - JR to Sue Ellen as she worries
at his hospital bedside.
- "You know I'd never do anything to hurt you- we're brothers!" - JR to
Bobby as he explains why he's been making Ewing Oil decisions behind his back.
- "Well, Lucy, you sure know how to pick 'em - a pansy, a crook, and an
up and coming pauper." - JR to Lucy on her choice of fiancees.
- "...I suppose that's to be expected from the illegitimate child of a ranch
foreman and the stepdaughter of the town drunk." JR berating Pam for delivering John Ross to Sue Ellen.
- "I wouldn't give you the dust off my car!" - JR to the unfortunate Walt
Driscoll after he asks for help to get out of jail.
- "Nobody, but nobody, double-crosses JR Ewing." - JR's stern warning to
the turncoat Gerald Kane.
Sue Ellen's Quotes
- I'm cutting you off you viper. Came back to help me? You
came back to help yourself to my husband.
- I am what you made me.
- If you do anything to hurt that young man, you are going
to wake up one morning and find out you no longer have a wife, even in name only.... and you will no longer have a son. So
no threats JR or I will end this mockey we call a marriage once and for all.
- Nothing brings out the best in you like other people's unhappiness.
- Let me guess...mattresses. - (Sue Ellen to JR about what Mandy is modelling
- Chances are the baby's yours. I've been just as faithful to our marriage
vows as you have been, darling.
- Joan of Ark would have been a drunk if she'd been married to you
- You and I will not live as man and wife. From now on, it's seperate bedrooms
and seperate lives
- Theres nothing in this world Jock wants more than a grandson; I haven't
given him one because of your disinterest in me. She's pregnant. Little brother Bobby and that Barnes girl are going to have
a baby named Ewing. Maybe a boy! Think about that!
- I'm really not an alchoholic
- You BASTARD! You finally came home.
- You bought me once J.R. But you can't anymore. I'm no longer for sale
- I hope she fights you for Ewing Oil and I hope she wins because then you
will know exactly how I feel tonight
- "May she find a man of her own. A man who makes her as happy as JR has
made me." - Sue Ellen to Kristin.
- "I wasn't gallivantin'!" - Sue Ellen to Jock after he accuses her of 'gallivanting'
around town while JR was shot.
- "The real JR has finally come home." - Sue Ellen after realizing that
JR's been messing around with Afton in their bed.
- "Nothing brings out the best in you like other people's unhappiness."
- Sue Ellen to JR.
- "You must be up to something real nasty, JR" - Sue Ellen to JR.
- "It was YOU Kristin, who shot JR." - Sue Ellen to Kristin.
- "We're distant cousins." - Sue Ellen to an inquisitive Texan in Hong Kong,
who asks if she's related to JR.
- "I was having my awareness advanced." - Sue Ellen to JR about her whereabouts
during her son's appendicitis.
- "We all know which end of the horse you are." - Sue Ellen to JR.
- "Did you spend last night in your car too - in the back seat?" - Sue Ellen
to JR after she returns home the next morning.
- "You mean that bastard is still alive?" - Sue Ellen after she shot JR.
- Any man can win when things go his way, it's the man who overcomes adversity
that is the true champion." Jock Ewing.
- "When your back is to the wall remember that a cornered animal is the
most dangerous." Jock Ewing.
- "Sit down and shut up, JR." - Jock to JR at the office.
- "I'm mad as hell, boy!" - Jock to a reporter who asks him to comment about
- "Sick? You mean drunk!" - Jock to the sisters Shepard after Kristin tries
to make the excuse that Sue Ellen wasn't feeling well last night.
- "Real power is something you take!" - Jock to Bobby, after Bobby whines
about not being able to use his power as president of Ewing Oil.
- "I AM TAKAPA!" Jock to Ellie after she announces she's stopped the Takapa
- "I'm not tryin' to influence you. I'm TELLIN' you what to do." - Jock
Miss Ellie's Quotes
- "Great men are measured in the only true value of a man, not in money or power, but
in friends." Miss Ellie.
- "You never know what you can do until you try." Miss Ellie.
- "I may never forgive you for this, JR" - Ellie to JR after she signs the papers allowing
drilling on Southfork.
- "What I do or do not tell my husband is NONE of your business." - Ellie to Pam.
- "You can be very callous and very cruel, and right now I don't want you around." -
Ellie to Jock.
- "Ray, get me the shotgun out of the hall closet." - Ellie threatening the reporter
who comes to Southfork.
- "We may be wrong, we may be right, but we're Ewings, and we stick together. That's
what makes us unbeatable!"
- "I know that Jock's not coming back, but I have my memories of him, and my memories
- "Other people have fought the Ewings before, and they've regretted it."
- "You're a cold and insensitive man, JR, and I'm going to remove you as President of
Ewing Oil just as soon as Bobby gets back."
- "Don't you talk to me like that, JR. I don't think you give a damn about your Daddy's
wishes. All you care about is YOURSELF.
- "I've got to break Jock's WILL."
- "In the past I've put up with your games and tricks, JR. But no more!"
- "I want this fighting stopped! Do you hear me? Or both of you get the hell out of
this house and off this ranch!" - Miss Ellie shouting at JR and Bobby.
- "What's between me and my husband is between me and my husband. And I'll work that
out without guidance from my children!"
- "I want you OUT!" - Ellie to Clayton.
- Your family's gonna throw me off the ranch
- What do I do, carry a baby for nine months and then sit back and watch
him die by the time he's a year old?
- It was awful, but we came through as a family. For for first time, we've
- With apologies to those who may not understand my change of heart, I cannot....will
not sell Christophers share of Ewing Oil to Weststar
- I had a terrible nightmare , you were dead and Katherine run you down,
it seemed so real
- I know everyone thinks I'm crazy to go on looking for Mark. Well I'm not.
He may be alive out there, sick and alone, he needs me more than ever. I don't care what anybody thinks! I'm going to go on
looking. And if hes alive, I'm going to find him
- Power, money, and control mean nothing to me. I want a nice, ordinary
life with my husband
- "The important thing is to live each day to the fullest and as long as
you do they'll be the happiest days of your life."
- "Nobody has it all, you just have to play the hand you've been dealt." Bobby Ewing.
- "[Our enemies] in this world make up their own rules. If we play their game, if we
become like them, we lose, we lose big." Bobby Ewing.
- "Good Morning"
- "[Possessions] are not the only thing in life. I guess having someone you really care
for is the most important thing." Peter Richards.
- "Something only has meaning when you work hard for it." Mitch Cooper.
- "When it comes right down to it there is only one person you can count on, yourself.
Just think things through carefully and do what has to be done, yourself." Holly Harwood.
- "If you don't get what you want then there is something better just waiting for you."
- "When you're down in the dumps, your life isn't over. That's the time to suck it up
and move on. Don't mope around feeling sorry for yourself, don't think you're the only one in the world who's life isn't perfect."
- "It's easy to say yes with a crowd but it takes a real man to say no alone." Donna
- "You've got to take chances in life, if you want to make anything out of it." Cliff